Get Happy in a Hurry

Hello lovelies!  I've taken a short break from blogging as I've been busy with clients, speaking as a featured storyteller for Hub Dot, and getting ready for my upcoming website that will be launched next month.

"I'm trying to be strong and be positive, but some days I just feel so sad." 

I'm writing this article about getting happy in a hurry because this is one of the things I hear most among women who are struggling with their fertility. As someone who suffered from clinical depression for ten years, I know what it means to feel so down that you don't know if you'll ever be able to get back up.  There are times in our lives when feeling sad is an understatement and we actually need to seek out professional help to break free from depression's grip.

But then there are other times when we're not so low that we can no longer function in our everyday lives, but we wouldn't describe ourselves as being joyful either.  We might be capable of putting on a smile for our best friend who just announced her pregnancy or pull ourselves together for yet another baby shower, but let's face it: there are days when you just feel like staying in your pajamas and bingeing on Netflix. Eating ice cream directly out of the carton could also be included on the day's list of activities.

When you find yourself in this situation, what do you do?  The truth is, no matter how impossible or unlikely it may seem, happiness is always a choice. It's a lot easier to access it, however, when we have a few tricks up our sleeves to help things along.

So without further adieu, here are my favorite go-to strategies for getting happy in a hurry.

1)  Get grateful

Gratitude again?  I know.  Lately it seems like all anyone ever talks about is how grateful you should be, but practicing gratitude, especially when you're feeling down actually works.  In positive psychology, having a regular gratitude practice has been consistently related to greater happiness.  Furthermore, new research suggests that the more you feel grateful on a regular basis, the more likely it is that your brain will adapt to this positive mind-set and that you will be able to access these feelings more easily in the future.  Gratitude can be expressed in any number of ways, but in my case,I make a list of thirty things: ten have to do with my body, ten have to do with my relationships, and ten have to do with my material possessions.

2) Get dressed

But not just in any old thing!  Get dressed in something that reflects how you want to feel.  Never underestimate the power of clothes to turn your mood around.  If I'm feeling blue, I know the last thing I need is to spend the day in my yoga pants.  Pick out an outfit you would wear if you had something important to do.  If you're feeling insecure, put on that suit that makes you feel powerful and confident.  If you're feeling frumpy, grab that dress that people can't help but compliment you on whenever you wear it.  The colors we wear also have a huge impact on how we feel, so use cheerful colors like yellow and pink to their full advantage.

3) Get gorgeous

Put on makeup, do your hair, whatever makes you feel your best.  Sometimes it just takes a little bit of mascara and a good hair day to feel like the Universe is on your side.  Speaking for myself, I notice a huge difference in my level of confidence based on how I choose to get ready in the morning.  If you want to fearlessly put yourself out into the world, you need to feel good about the person who's looking back at you in the mirror.  On days when I'm feeling particularly down, I leave nothing to chance: big hair out, full makeup on, contact lenses in.  When people notice how good you look, own the compliment, feel gratitude for it, and put it in your pocket for another rainy day.

4) Tune up the music

I've recently switched out Nirvana for Calvin Harris.  As much as I love Kurt Cobain, he can be a real downer and it was about six months ago that I realized how my favorite playlists were only reinforcing my sadness rather than getting me out of it. A 2013 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology found  that listening to upbeat music for just two weeks was enough for people to experience a significant boost in happiness and mood.  If you're not sure where to start, platforms like Spotify and Apple Music make it easy with their playlists according to mood and activity. I've discovered a lot of songs that way that I never would have listened to otherwise.

5) Dance to the beat

When I'm feeling blue, the last thing I need is to sit still.  Get your body involved in your good mood mission!  Whether I'm in my Zumba class or just shaking it in my living room, I'm always amazed at how different I feel after having danced for just ten minutes.  It's not surprising, therefore, that a Columbia University neuroscientist referred to dance as a “pleasure double play.” When we listen to music, the brain's reward centers are stimulated, while dancing activates its sensory and motor circuits.  In my case, all I have to do is cha cha cha to Calvin Harris's My Way and I'm good to go.  Don't worry about having all the right moves, just do whatever comes naturally and let your body take the lead.

6) Get out

You look amazing, you're dressed to impress, and you feel connected with everything that's good in your life.  Now the only thing missing is to get out and share yourself with the world.  On a workday, this is relatively easy because most of us are obligated to leave the house to do our jobs.  But don't fall into the weekend trap of staying in your pajamas curled up on the couch with the idea that all you need is to relax.  Yes, it's nice to hit the pause button every once in a while, but experience has taught me that the low times are the worst times to isolate yourself from the outside world.  If you don't feel like being with other people, try connecting with nature instead.  My problems always seem smaller when I look up at the (hopefully) blue sky and realize that I'm part of something much greater than myself alone.

How do you get happy in a hurry?  What are your best strategies for accessing joy when all you want is to embrace the blues?

The Power of Fertility Coaching

Last week, I was headed home on the train, when I received an email from a client.  She said that since having begun working with me three months ago, her fertility journey had taken a surprising turn.  She had finally gotten the positive pregnancy test that she had been waiting for for three years. I couldn't believe it because she is the third woman this year who has become pregnant during our coaching series together.

To put this in perspective, these are all women who are in their mid thirties to early forties and none of them thought they would ever be mothers when we had our initial pre-coaching consultation. All of them had been trying for more than six months and in some cases, like the client I just mentioned, years.  They signed up for my fertility coaching program on a whim because I was offering a special promotion at the beginning of the year and felt that they had nothing to lose.

In a previous article, I told you why I decided to pursue a career in fertility coaching.  After my own personal experience, I knew there had to be a better way to get pregnant that didn't involve stress, disappointment, and overwhelm at every turn.  I also knew that the knowledge I had gained as a Holistic Health Coach through the Insitute of Integrative Nutrition and the life coach training I had received through Beautiful You Coaching Academy could be combined to help women maximize their chances of conception and feel empowered on their fertility journey.

What makes my fertility coaching program so powerful?

It wasn't until I trained with the Beautiful You Coaching Academy that I realized the importance of goals.  Goals are the foundation of every fertility coaching series I offer.  They are the shining guide posts that shed light on exactly what you want to accomplish over the course of three months.  Setting goals is essential because you can only reach them if you are constantly moving forward in positive action.

Even though everyone calls it the "fertility journey" it's easy to feel stuck if you are simply measuring your progress by a negative pregnancy test each month.  Wouldn't it be great to feel like you were actually getting closer to achieving something you deeply desired? Throughout the series, I work with each of my clients to get them moving towards the life they have always envisioned for themselves, full of confidence, passion, courage, and joy.

Setting the goals is just the beginning.  Implementing the action steps is where the magic happens.

One of the most common reactions I get from my clients after the goal setting session is, "I feel really inpired by these goals, but I have no idea how to make them happen!"  This is why having a coach is so important.  The first step is discovering what you want, the next step is figuring out how to get it.

"I want to believe in myself and what my body can do."
"I want to live with ease."
"I want to stop feeling crazy around food."
"I want to reignite the passion in my relationship."
"I want to feel beautiful."

Most of us can envision the changes that we want for ourselves, but we convince ourselves that they aren't possible.  We let fear and self-doubt cloud our innate brilliance and deny ourselves of opporunities that are, in reality, always available to us.

If, after the first session, I left my clients alone to figure out their goals for themselves, they most likely wouldn't have changed very much about themselves or their lives when I checked in on them three months later.  Is that because they aren't capable of getting everything they want for themselves?  Absolutely not.  My clients are some of the smartest, most dedicated women that I know.  But turning your deepest desires into reality takes a lot of work, and it's so much easier when someone is by your side, supporting you and holding you accountable along the way.

In a coaching series, the goals remain constant throughout the three months, but the action steps you take towards achieving them change every two weeks.  This means that we get to break it down into bite-sized pieces that you can savor as you go.  It also means that every session, as long as you stay committed, there will always be something to celebrate!  As you remain in action, you'll realize the following:

1) You are a capable of getting what you want.
2) Your fears are not real.
3) You are more than your pregnancy test.
4) You are worthy of your desires.
5) You can trust in yourself and your intuition.
6) You are fertile.

For me, a woman's fertility will always be about more than just her ability to procreate.  Your fertility is about your ability to create, to remain open, to cultivate joy, to receive abundance, and to love and respect yourself in all areas of your life.  Birthing a healthy baby may seem like your ultimate goal, but what are you doing to birth yourself and the woman you want to be in the meantime?

If you think that fertility coaching could be right for you, please contact me at info@jolindajohnson.com.  I would love to help you make your goals a reality.

How I Found Love at the Gym

Anyone who follows my Instagram account (@coachjolinda) knows that I'm a huge proponent of exercise.  To tell you the truth, though, this is the first time in my life that I actually enjoy going to the gym. When I was a girl, I was constantly teased in gym class for my lack of athletic ability and I sometimes think that's why I've always been hesitant about exercising in public. Over the last year, I've really been working on overcoming my fears and challenging the false perceptions that I've placed upon myself, so when the opportunity arose to join a new gym a few months ago just five minutes away from where I live, I jumped at the opportunity. Since my first day, I have become a gym convert, making my workouts a priority and actually looking forward to them with anticipation.  What's brought about this change? My gym? My trainer? Or could it be something bigger?

Getting Strong in Body Pump

The first day I went to my new gym, I entered with the idea that I would do the elliptical or the treadmill for half an hour and then return home. Upon arriving, however, I realized that Body Pump was scheduled to start in ten minutes and that I had the chance to do something more interesting than zone out to my iTunes playlist. Despite feeling nervous, I walked up to the instructor and told him that it was my first day at the gym and that I wasn't sure where to start.  He showed me the equipment I would need and made sure that I was comfortable with everything before we began.

I completed the first class without any weights, just the bar itself to concentrate on my form.  From the beginning, the instructor, who later introduced himself as Marc, made me feel welcome and that gave me the little push I needed to keep coming back.  Over the next several weeks, I continued adding more and more weight and pushing myself through every set.  If I could finish comfortably, I knew I wasn't doing enough and that I was actually stronger than I had originally thought.  The biggest benefit of strength training for me has been that feeling of power that you get from exceeding your limits and proving to yourself just how much you can take.  The stronger I am physically, the more I can handle emotionally. Most days, I'm grateful to have arrived at the cool down, but I'm almost always disappointed that the time has passed by so quickly.

The reminder I see on my barbell at the start of every Body Pump class.

Shaking It in Zumba

I had always wanted to try Zumba, and I knew if Marc could make Body Pump fun, then his Zumba class would really feel like a party.  The following Friday, I arrived at Zumba five minutes before the start time and it was packed.  Not wanting to embarrass myself, I found a space in the back corner where no one would notice if I made a fool of myself.  Big mistake!  First of all, as much as you think so, nobody actually cares if you don't get the steps right, and second of all, nobody notices because they're all too busy trying to follow along themselves.  Most importantly, because it was so crowded, I couldn't see Marc's feet which made it impossible to keep up and get the most out of my workout.

The next class, I made a point to arrive early and secure a spot directly in front of him.  This put me at center stage as well, but I knew it was where I had to be.  By my fourth class, I was starting to get the hang of it, and when Marc asked for someone to join him for one of the songs, I surprised myself by raising my hand.  He asked me if I remembered all the steps which of course I didn't but no one else had volunteered, so I was his first, last, and only option.  Ten years ago, offering myself up as some kind of model in a dance class, would have been terrifying, but now I do my best to push fear aside and put what other people may think of me out of my mind.  I knew that, even if I made mistakes, it was all part of the learning process and striving for perfection isn't nearly as interesting as leaving room for improvement.

Halfway through the song, I lost myself in the steps and let my body take the lead as I moved to the music.  At one point, I started laughing at myself because I've always been a bit of a stiff dancer and all of a sudden, here I was shaking it to Luis Fonsi and Despacito.  As I returned to the dance floor, everyone clapped and I was proud of myself for taking a risk and trying something new.  The next song was one of my favorites, My Way by Calvin Harris.  Listening to the lyrics, "You were the one thing in my way," all I could think of were those times in my life when I had been the one who had gotten in my own way.  How many times do we let our limiting beliefs have the final word over our authentic selves?

A trainer and gym buddies who motivate you to keep coming back make all the difference.

Stretching Myself Further in Body Balance

One day after Body Pump, Marc told us that he would be giving the Body Balance class directly after and encouraged us all to stay if we wanted some time to stretch and relax.  It had been years since I had done any kind of yoga, much less an actual class, and the thought of how rigid I would be made me want to go running for the women's locker room.  I considered all of the excuses that I could give, but in the end I agreed to stay. I was enjoying Body Pump and Zumba so much, at that point it didn't make sense for me to deny my body of something it had been begging me to do for a long time.

I won't lie, my first Body Balance class was challenging, and at moments I felt like crying.  In my twenties, I was an avid yogi, waking up every morning at one point to do an hour of asthanga before work.  In addition to my lack of flexibility, I have always struggled with balancing on my left side and being able to do a beautiful tree pose on the right, while barely being able to raise my foot on the left has always been a source of embarrassment. The thing is, wherever you are is where you need to start and refusing to stretch myself, whether it be in Body Balance or any other challenging circumstance is no longer an acceptable choice.

At the end of the class, Marc made me promise to come back the following week and I offered my hand to shake on it and seal the deal.  The promise I made that day was really to myself as much as it was to anyone else.  I'm finally at a place in my life where I make exercise a priority because I know that it's what my body deserves. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I actually look forward to going to the gym five days a week.

Trees come in all different shapes and sizes.

So what's changed?

When I first moved to Barcelona nine years ago, I belonged to one of the best gyms in the city.  I hardly ever went.  I always made an excuse for why I couldn't go.  So what's so different now?  I've fallen in love. No, not with my twenty-three-year old trainer, but with myself!  My level of self-love has skyrocketed in the past year, and that's the love that keeps me going back for my workouts every time.

I love my body as it is.

I no longer work out in the hopes of losing weight or transforming my physique.  If that happens, then fine, but I'm no longer tied to the results of my workout sessions.  This means that I can be fully present in the experience without being weighed down by expectations and disappointments that result in not having them fulfilled.

I don't let my fear of what other people think determine my actions.

For years, I was afraid of not doing everything "just right," of not being the best from the beginning, of other people's judgement and ridicule.  The fact is that no one could have been as hard on me as I was on myself, and at the end of the day a person who criticizes you is really just making up for their own insecurities.

I love the way it makes me feel.

In the past, going to the gym was a punishment for eating too much or gaining weight. Now it's a reward I give myself.  There are few things that give me such an amazing rush of strength and positive energy every. single. time.  Also, I will take being strong over being skinny any day and that's the transformation that is most exciting for me now.

I have accountability and support.

It's a lot easier to show up to the gym when you know someone is expecting you.  I'm fortunate enough to have a trainer who goes out of his way to make everyone feel like they matter.  I've also made a number of "gym buddies" that I look forward to seeing before or after class.  Never underestimate the power of connection.

Outside the women's locker room.  I'll never be the woman pictured behind me, and that's more than okay.

What's your relationship to the gym?  Do you enjoy working out?  If not, what do you think is your biggest obstacle to making exercise part of your regular routine?

I hope this article has inspired you to think of your own relationship with physical activity.  I'll be discussing the importance of exercise in terms of fertility in an upcoming article, so stay tuned if you'd like to learn how loving your workout has benefits for you too!

Is This the Fun Part?

We've all seen that scene in romantic comedies.  You know the one I'm talking about, where there's a couple who's madly in love, discussing their future together  Inevitably one of them, usually the woman, brings up having a family some day and the man replies, "I don't know if I want kids, but I'm sure we'd have fun trying."  Cue steamy love scene.  

When my husband and I decided that we wanted to start a family three years ago, I wanted to do everything "just right."  

I immediately started focusing on getting the right prenatal vitamin, eating the right foods, and taking the right supplements.  I started scrutinizing everything my husband ate as well, pressuring him to give up his beloved potato chips and beer and nagging him to drink his smoothie and take his multivitamin.  Eventually I started obsessing over my cycle as well.  Was my luteal phase long enough? Was my cervical mucus the right consistency? Were my temperature readings accurate?

Having a baby became an obsession like no other, and that was before we even started trying!

As you can imagine, my marriage suffered because neither of us were enjoying ourselves.  I felt like there was always something more that I could be doing, and he felt like I was just using him for his sperm.  After six months like this, I had to ask myself, "Is this the fun part?"

If you go into any TTC forum, one of the most hated pieces of advice amongst the members is, "Just relax."  I get it.  How are you supposed to relax when your greatest hopes and dreams are at stake?  The more you know about everything involved in actually conceiving a baby, the more amazed you are that anyone gets pregnant at all.  You want to prepare yourself in the best way possible.  You want to take those 100 days before you start trying seriously.  You want your partner to be as committed to the project as you are because, after all, having a baby has always been part of the plan.  

The problem with this approach, as you've probably guessed from my story or perhaps are experiencing yourself now, is that babies don't come from "doing it all right."  

They don't come from control, but rather from letting go.  So much of a woman's fertility is tied to her ability to recieve, to be open to new possibilities.  As I've said in previous blog posts, your uterus thrives on passion and joy, yet so many of us start our fertility journey weighed down by worry, anxiety, and if you're anything like me OVERTHINKING!

One of my goals as a Fertility Coach is to help my clients rediscover "the fun part" of their quest towards the BFP (Big Fat Positive). 

Here are six of my top suggestions:

1) Have sex because it feels good

Remember that babies come first and foremost from having sex.  Good sex.  Passionate sex.  The thing is, it's hard to have amazing sex if you're only reserving it for the days when the ovulation kit says it's okay.  According to Emma Cannon's book, Total Fertility, "a high level of arousal in men is thought to be associated with better-quality sperm" and "female orgasm can help the sperm move through the cervix and closer to the egg" (112).  Take advantage of the time you have as a couple to enjoy each other sexually, regardless of where you are in your cycle.  Missionary is said to be best for conception, but that doesn't mean you can't experiment with other positions that turn you on in the meantime.  Rediscover each other's bodies, points of arousal, new ways to climax, even words that turn each other on.  Use your desire to have a baby as an excuse to spice things up!

2) Find a passion project

Having a passionate relationship with your partner is great for making babies, but so is having passions of your own.  What are you passionate about in your life right now?  What part of you is waiting to be awakened?  Become involved in volunteer work, learn to play the piano, take a creative writing workshop.  Make room in your life for an activity that you really look forward to participating in that can be your tiny escape from the everyday routine.  Getting involved in something that lights you up from the inside will help lower your stress levels, reconnect you with parts of yourself that you might have forgotten about, and remind you that there is a whole other world that exists beyond pregnancy tests and baby pumps.  

3) Get fertile in the kitchen

Following a fertility friendly diet doesn't have to be a chore.  There are so many delicious whole foods that are beneficial not only to your reproductive system but also to your overall health. Get creative and start incorporating them into your everyday meals.  If you feel like making something special, plan to go to a farmer's market with your partner on the weekend.  Look at all of the beautiful colors of the produce, the luscious fruits, the dark leafy greens. Try ordering your regular supermarket staples online or buying the essentials on a different day so you can have more freedom to let your senses lead the way.  If you enjoy cooking together, experiment with a new fertility friendly recipe when you get home. Break out of your comfort zone and be open to where it takes you.

4) Get your groove on

You might not realize it, but a key part of your fertility has to do with how comfortable you are in your body. Traditionally, dance has played a role in fertility, with belly dancing being one of the most ancient rituals.  You don't need to take a belly dancing class though, to reap the benefits.  Any dance that allows you to fully inhabit your body and express yourself freely will help.  Since I started taking Zumba a month ago, I've realized how little of my body I was actually using when I was dancing on my own.  I've always admired women who really know how to shake it on the dance floor, not only for their skill, but also for their confidence and their ability to own every part of themselves without fear. Through my Zumba class, I've discovered that I can have these qualities too and that the sexy woman dancing in the mirror is actually me! 

5) Splurge on non-toxic beauty products

If you don't know already, conventional beauty products are laden with potent endocrine disruptors that can wreak havoc on your fertility.  Realizing that everything from your shower gel to your favorite foundation may need to be replaced can feel overwhelming, but it's also a great excuse to indulge yourself and discover new products that make you feel fabulous.  Start with the products that you use every day and that come in greatest contact with your skin.  In other words, invest in a body cream that you slather on every morning before you move on to your mascara. That being said, I've always thought that the right shade of lipstick can change your mood, so if you like makeup feel free to treat yourself to something more glamorous as well.  Slowly accumulate everything you need to develop a self-care routine that will make you feel beautiful inside and out.

6) Get in touch with nature

Who doesn't love a walk in the park, a hike in the mountains, or a skip along the beach?  Spending time in nature will keep you grounded and has been shown to lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol and can even  give your immune system a boost.  Remember cortisol and progesterone share the same receptor sites, meaning that the higher your cortisol levels, the lower your progesterone will be.  Progesterone is important for successful implantation of the embryo as it helps build up the uterine wall, so it's important that we do what we can to keep cortisol in check.  When was the last time you made a date with Mother Nature?  If you're interested in becoming a mother yourself, you should think about giving her a call.

What's your favorite part of your fertility journey right now?  If you feel like you're ready to get to the fun part, but not sure how, send me an email at info@jolindajohnson.com and we can discuss how to make this a top priority.  After all, you're worth it!  

Just Breathe

Throughout my childhood, there were certain words of advice that my father enjoyed sharing with me on a regular basis.  "Don't let anyone walk in your mind with their dirty shoes" was his response when I told him I had been teased by the boys at school.  "Just do your best" was his typical pep talk for when I had a piano recital, and "Focus!" was his word of choice when I had to prepare for an important exam.

One day, when I was in eighth grade, I came downstairs to have breakfast before school and he was already at the table reading the paper and drinking his coffee. He asked me if I was ready for my upcoming mathematics exam and I confessed that I was a bit nervous because math was never a subject which came as easily to me as languages and humanities.

"You better get focused," he said.

Being that I was a teenage girl, I most likely rolled my eyes as I replied, "You always say that."
"Well then, do it."
"How would you like me to focus?"
"You need to start meditating."

I asked him what he meant by meditating and he said that I should come downstairs fifteen minutes earlier every morning and sit at the table in silence with my eyes closed.  When I asked him how that would help me, he said that I wouldn't feel nervous about my math exam because I would realize that I had all the answers inside myself and the capability of discovering them.  The key, he added, was to stay focused.

It would be great if I could say that meditating every morning for the final months of junior high had led to a lifelong practice, but like most things your parents introduce you to during your adolescence, I rejected it as something obligatory, unnecessary, and worst of all to my teenage mind, uncool.  I spent the next twenty years reading articles about meditation and even purchased several books, but despite learning about its many benefits, I never managed to fit it into my daily routine.  Something always stopped me from making the time and space to just be still.

Why did I resist meditation for so long?

It wasn't the time.  It's never the time.  If you can find thirty minutes to check your Instagram feed, you can find thirty minutes to close your eyes and breathe.  What it really came down to was the four-letter word that keeps most of us from implementing simple, yet radical changes in our lives -- FEAR.

I was afraid to let go, afraid of the blank slate, afraid of trying to slow down my ever-racing mind.  I was terrified of being alone with my body, just me, myself, and I.

What would I find at the core of my being?  What if I didn't like what I saw?

As someone who always liked doing everything "just right," I was afraid of failing.

What if I couldn't stop thinking?  What if I was no good at quieting my mind?  

It wasn't until last year as a result of my life coaching course that I was able to put my fear aside and give meditation a try.  I was getting ready to go out one morning while listening to an interview with health and wellness coach Claire Obeid.  She described herself as a "nervous little bunny" before she started meditating on a regular basis.  At this point she says meditation is like "brushing her teeth," something so automatic that she couldn't think of a day without it.  At the time, I myself was struggling with my own anxiety and a constant tension that manifested itself as an ever tightening knot in my stomach.

Meditation was the beginning of the knot's unraveling.

After listening to the interview, I went to Obeid's website and immediately purchased her 21-day meditation program.  It was a series of guided meditations with a downloadable workbook to record your thoughts and reflections after each practice.  Following this program was key for me because it got me in the habit of meditating every day, and the fifteen minutes of listening to her voice and the sound of my breath went by faster than I ever could have imagined.

During this time, I was also reading books like The Big Leap  by Gay Hendricks and The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod, both of which emphasize the importance of meditation when setting yourself up to accomplish big goals.  That motivated me to keep going, and after finishing Obeid's guided meditations, I started experimenting with music and meditating to audio tracks on YouTube.  On days when I was feeling weak, I would listen to Om on repeat.  On days when I was feeling tense, singing bowls would settle my nerves.  When I was feeling sad or overwhelmed, crashing waves would get me out of my funk.

Taking a moment to meditate at the bus stop.

Suddenly, I was looking forward to sitting on my meditation cushion with my headphones in, disconnecting from the world while reconnecting with myself for thirty minutes every day.  

It wasn't until after I had meditated several months with music or another person's voice that I was finally comfortable with meditating on my own; just me, my body, my breath.  Now meditation is not only part of my everyday routine, it's an invaluable tool for feeling safe, grounded, and as my father would say, focused.  The knot in my stomach has come undone.  The surrender that I so longed for just a year ago has come to pass, and I've realized that the feeling of security that I was desperately seeking was within me the whole time.

Additional Resources

Meditation, Relaxation, Breathing and Ovulation

Can Mindfulness and Meditation Boost Fertility?

8 Minute Meditation by Victor Davich

Buddha's Brain by Rick Hanson

How to Meditate by Pema Chödrön

Ten Self-Love Strategies that Actually Work

In my previous blog post, I discussed the importance of self-love as it relates to our fertility and overall health and happiness.  Now for the fun part.  As a Fertility Coach, I'm all about taking action in order to achieve inspiring goals.  If your goal is to cultivate greater self-love, then you'll definitely want to check out my top ten strategies below.

Top 10 Tried and True Self-Love Strategies

1) Daily affirmations

A couple months ago, I made myself an affirmations board.  Every time I found an affirmation that inspired me, I wrote it on an index card and put it on a bulletin board.  As part of my morning routine, I take five minutes to read each one.  Some of my favorites include, "I love myself wholeheartedly and unconditionally," "I accept the beauty within me as who I really am," "Keep choosing joy," and "I expand in abundance, success, and love, every day as I inspire those around me to do the same."  Throughout the day, whenever my mind begins to wander off to the land of negative thinking, I repeat one of these affirmations to myself and return to the positive attitude that I'm looking for.

If you're interested in incorporating some powerful affirmations into your daily routine, click here.
This page also has powerful affirmations specific for fertility.

2) Meditation

This was a hard one for me at first, but now I can't imagine my life without it.  You'd be amazed at what a difference just ten minutes can make when it comes to quieting your inner demons.  I aim for thirty minutes every morning, either in silence or with music, depending on what feels right at the time.  Recently, I've started using mala beads and affirmations as well which I find especially useful when I'm feeling a bit frantic and overwhelmed.  Meditation teaches you how to just be--with yourself, with your thoughts, with the inner peace that is yours for the taking with each mindful breath.  

If you're brand new to meditation, definitely check out Claire Obeid's website. Her 21 day program is what got me in the habit of meditating every day when I was first starting out.

You can also try Headspace which makes meditating 10 minutes a day super simple.

3) Gratitude

I've mentioned the importance of gratitude on this blog before, but there's a reason why it keeps coming up.  Practicing gratitude is an essential tool for increasing your self-love because it puts you in touch with those parts of yourself and your life that you're most likely taking for granted.  If you find yourself speaking negatively about your body, make a list of all the body parts that you're grateful for.  For example, I'm grateful for my eyes that see the world around me; I'm grateful for my brain that is constantly learning new things; I'm grateful for my legs for taking me where I need to go."  Try for at least ten and see how it changes your whole self-image.

4) Setting limits

Establishing boundaries and sticking to them is a huge piece of the self-love puzzle.  It goes right along with saying "no" without the guilt.  Have you ever found yourself giving away your best time to everyone else and not keeping any to yourself?  Do you say "yes" to things you don't actually like doing because you want people to like you?  Do you allow people to take advantage of your kindness because you're afraid of what would happen if you stood up for yourself?  When you set limits, you make your expectations clear to yourself and others, which allows for a greater level of respect on both sides.

5) Self-care

Self-care doesn't mean taking bubble baths every night and going to the spa in the middle of the afternoon, although on some days it could.  Self-care is really about making a commitment to treating yourself like a V.I.P. because, guess what, you are!  Here are some examples of what self-care looks like for me: taking a few extra minutes to put on makeup in the morning, treating myself to high-quality non-toxic cosmetics, keeping my regular appointements at the salon, making time to go to my favorite classes at the gym, allowing myself to rest when I need it, eating foods that make me feel fantastic, accepting help and support when it's offered . . . and the list goes on.

Need more inspiration?  Check out this article with 45 simple self-care practices.

6) Smiling in the mirror

The next time you're looking in the mirror, take a minute to notice the expression on your face.  I always used to frown at myself, usually while meticulously inspecting my pores.  Is it any wonder that I wasn't generating positive feelings about my reflection?  Little did I know that simply smiling at myself could completely change my mood.  Every time you smile, your brain releases the feel-good neurotransmitters dopamine and seratonin as well as endorphins.  Why reserve those good feelings for everyone else?  You deserve them too!

7) Choosing foods wisely

Eating a diet bursting with whole, nutrient dense foods is another way to show yourself some love.  Know what you're putting in your body and become familiar with how different foods affect not only your fertility, but your general health overall.  What's your biggest food demon?  Sugar? Potato chips? Chocolate-covered anything?  If you know exactly what sugar is doing to your body, from decreased fertility to increased ageing to lower vitamin D levels, the candy bar suddenly loses its allure.  Every time you choose the apple over the apple turnover, you're telling yourself that you deserve to feel your best.  Also, food and mood go hand in hand, and it's a lot easier to love yourself when you're feeling vital and strong, instead of cranky and bloated.

8) Love letters

Yes, you read that correctly.  I write myself love letters.  I've always been good at telling other people how great they are but never felt comfortable doing it for myself.  It eventually dawned on me that I deserve my own kind words.  How often do we wait around for someone else to notice the good that we're doing when, in reality, nothing is stopping us from acknowledging it ourselves.  "You're making such amazing progress.  I'm so proud of you.  Good job following through with your commitments this week and getting everything done that you wanted to.  I know that you're capable of so much."  If you like reading words like those, take out your pen and paper and get writing!

9) Girlfriends!

I confess that even my self-love tank can get a bit low.  That's why having a trusted group of girlfriends is so important.  Sometimes all it takes is one positive friend to remind you of what a wonderful woman you are.  I'll never forget one day last year when I was on my way to an event hosted by my university's alumni association.  I was still nervous about promoting myself as a Fertility Coach and knew that of the thirty attendees I would probably be one of two without an M.B.A. Just before entering, my friend Gemma sent me a WhatsApp message saying, "Don't forget you're intelligent, cultured and always have something interesting to say.  Have a great time tonight!"  That simple message gave me the little confidence boost I needed to introduce myself with my head held high.

10) Good old books

a reader.  I can honestly say that I wouldn't be where I am today without the books listed below:

A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson

Mastering Your Mean Girl by Melissa Ambrosini

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay

Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

How to Love Yourself (and Sometimes Other People) by Lodro Rinzler and Meggan Watterson
The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein

What's your favorite way to show yourself some much deserved love?  Let me know in the comments below.

If you're interested in working with me as a Fertility Coach to maximize your chances of conception and feel empowered on your fertility journey, please contact me at info@jolindajohnson.com.

I would love to talk to you about how we can work together to reach your most desired goals.

What’s Self-Love Got to Do with It?

I remember when I was first thinking of having a baby with my husband several years ago. At that point, my heart was positively overflowing with love for the man I had chosen to be the father of my child. 

Unfortunately, I couldn’t say the same for myself. 

I had no problem offering love to other people:  my family, my friends, people I met on the street.  I could smile at the grocery store cashier but I couldn’t smile at myself in the mirror.  I could say, “You’re amazing,” to my best friend, but it would never even occur to me to say something so positive to myself.  The whole idea of self-love was a totally foreign concept to me, not because I had never heard of it before but because I had never actually experienced it.

My husband, on the other hand, has no problem with self-love.  Whereas I’ve always given my inner critic a megaphone, my husband has seemingly silenced his with duct tape.  Subconsciously I probably hoped his own self-love would somehow rub off on me and I would get to skip over all of the work I’ve done over the past few years to get to the point where I can say, “I love you, Jolinda” and not feel like a total fraud.  

  

What Does Self-Love Look Like?

Loving yourself doesn’t mean blowing yourself kisses in the mirror every day.  It does, however, involve honoring and accepting yourself as a beautiful human being who deserves only the very best.  If you love yourself you will identify with most of the following:

• You know that you are enough. Always.
• You feel comfortable in your own skin.
• You are confident in your decisions.
• You make taking care of yourself a priority.
• You set limits and say “no” when necessary.
• You are in touch with your own needs and can readily voice them.
• You forgive yourself for your mistakes.
• You seek out help and support when you need it.
• You effortlessly choose foods that nourish your body.
• You know that wherever you are is exactly where you are meant to be.

Can Greater Self-Love Help Me Get Pregnant?

Let me just answer this question with a big fat YES!  Your level of self-love affects your fertility because it affects the choices that you make for yourself every day.  Getting pregnant isn’t always as easy as we would like.  As the months without a positive pregnancy test go by, the following behaviors can sneak in and push us even further away from the baby we so want to conceive:

• Self-criticism
• Low self-esteem
• Comfort eating
• Drinking
• Smoking
• Obsessive thinking
• Lack of exercise
• Lack of self-care
• Isolation
• Fear 

If these fertility foes were dragons, self-love would be the knight in shining armor that protects you against them.  The self-love you have prior to becoming pregnant will also help you to better manage the challenges of pregnancy itself and the trials and tribulations of motherhood thereafter.   

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the uterus is considered to be a direct extension of the heart and the kidneys and is thus affected by the dominant emotional states of these two organs.  According to Dr. Aimee Raupp in her book, Yes, You Can Get Pregnant, "the heart's emotional component is positively influenced by joy and passion and is negatively affected by worry and anxiety.  The kidneys are positively influenced by courage and confidence and negatively affected by fear and trauma."  

Self-love in, fear and worry out.  

By cultivating greater self-love, you will approach life with greater joy, confidence, and courage.  As far as passion goes, I have yet to meet a woman who loved herself who was not absolutely passionate about life. 

When considering self-love and its relationship to fertility, I can't help but think of my neighbor who just gave birth to her third daughter after 40.  She exudes confidence, radiates positivity, and still holds her husband's hand whenever they walk down the street even after more than 20 years together.  Being in their presence, it's undeniable that she has the same profound love for herself as she does for her partner.  When I ran into her the day before she went into labor, I asked her if she was nervous.  She told me, "No, I'm not nervous.  My body is wise.  It knows just what to do."  It's this kind of unshakeable inner strength that a high degree of self-love makes possible.

How do you want to welcome new life into the world?  With self-criticism, fear and doubt or with positivity, confidence, and love?   

I take it you chose the second option.  Great!  The first step is acknowledging that you want more self-love in your life.  Now let's talk about how to make that happen.  

If you're interested in working with me as a Fertility Coach to maximize your chances of conception and feel empowered on your fertility journey, please contact me at info@jolindajohnson.com.  

I would love to talk to you about how we can work together to reach your most desired goals.