My Why

One of the most common reactions I get when I tell people that I’m a Fertility Coach is, “Really? I had no idea there was such a thing.”  Fertility coaching is indeed a new and emerging profession.  Truth be told, I first felt called to working with women in this way several years ago, but I was so afraid of what other people would think of me that I didn’t pursue it. Why would someone with an Ivy League degree and a Master's in Education leave her teaching career to pursue a profession that nobody had ever heard of? 

Let your passion be greater than your fear.

 My passion for supporting women in realizing their dreams of motherhood has overtaken my fear of what other people think, and the status anxiety I once felt has been replaced with the confidence of knowing I have found my true purpose. I want every woman longing to become a mother to know what it feels like to see a positive pregnancy test, to feel those first kicks, to hold your newborn in your arms, and to hear "I love you" from the person who you will love unconditionally for the rest of your life.

If your sheer desire were enough to become pregnant, there wouldn't be a need for Fertility Coaches like me.  The fact is that getting pregnant isn't a matter of will and most of us have heard by now that the more you obsess over it, the less likely it is to happen.  

If you're a highly motivated woman used to getting your way through careful planning and strategic attack, you'll probably approach getting pregnant with the same go-getter attitude.  

You start by doing your research, then you follow exactly what the book says, until you read another book that says something entirely different, and then there's that article that you read online plus the blogs that you subscribed to, and don't forget the TTC forums that you check in on once in a while.  Pretty soon you're on information overload, not to mention the "helpful" advice that everyone keeps offering.  Before you know it, your life revolves around temperature readings, ovulation kits, and having sex on the right days.  Eventually you start to question why you're doing all of this in the first place and wonder what happened to the woman who just wanted a baby so she could share her love with another human being.

If this sounds like you, then let me assure you that you're not the only one.  Many women I've talked to, including myself have been there.  Wouldn't it be great if you had someone to ease your overwhelm? Wouldn't it help to have the inside track on information that was specifically relevant to you?  How would it feel to know that your deepest needs and desires were being heard and that you had the power to make them a reality? How would your journey to becoming a mom be different if you knew you were supported by someone who was looking out for you every step of the way? 

I'm a Fertility Coach and I'm here to help.

I'm here to serve the women who need me most.  I'm here to connect with those who know they need to do something differently but aren't sure where to start.  One thing is realizing the need for change, another is actually implementing it in your everyday life.  Reading about a fertility friendly diet is wonderful, but how do you get those foods on your plate?  Feeling calm, cool, and relaxed sounds lovely but if you're used to having everything under your control, going with the flow can be terrifying.  How do you show yourself the same unconditional love that you hope to give to your child some day? You know that you want a baby with all your heart, but how do you turn that longing into action?  It can be a lot to figure out how to get from where you are to where you want to go, but the good news is that you don't have to go it alone.  I'm a Fertility Coach and I'm here for you.

If you're interested in working with me as a Fertility Coach to maximize your chances of conception and feel empowered on your fertility journey, please contact me at info@jolindajohnson.com.

I would love to talk to you about how we can work together to reach your most desired goals.

Five Habits to Break Before Trying to Conceive

A few months ago, I met a friend of mine for a morning tea by the beach.  As we sipped our hot cups of rooibos, we talked about everything that had been going on in our lives since the last time we saw each other.  Eventually the conversation headed in the direction of her relationship.

“How are things going with Alex?  Everything good?”

“Yes!  Things are amazing.” She paused for a moment to pull a pack of Lucky Strikes from her bag.  “We’re going to start trying for a baby.”

“A baby? Really?  Now? Okay.”

“What?  You don’t think it’s a good idea?”

“No, I think you’d be a great mom, but . . .” My eyes trailed to her lit cigarette.

“Oh, this.  I don’t think that matters yet.  Do you?  Of course I’ll quit once I get pregnant.  It’s not like I smoke that much anyway.  Three a day, sometimes five.  Besides, we’re really excited and I don’t want to wait any longer.”

Many of us spend a good fifteen to twenty years actively trying to prevent pregnancy, so when the urge to finally start trying to have a baby takes hold we want what we want and we want it now.  

“I’ll quit once I’m pregnant.”

“Of course I would eat better if I were pregnant.”

“I’ve been so stressed lately, but I’ll feel more relaxed once I get pregnant.”

Your health is your baby’s health and the choices that you make regarding your diet, lifestyle, and mindset in the 100 days leading up to conception have a direct impact on your ability to maintain a healthy pregnancy.  Breaking bad habits doesn’t happen overnight and the best time to work on them is before you even start trying.

Five habits to break before trying to conceive:

1) Smoking (Even the occasional cigarettes count!)

Every time you smoke a cigarette, you introduce 4,000 different toxins into your body.  It’s not surprising, therefore, that smoking damages the eggs as they develop in the ovaries.  It also changes the lining of the uterus making it harder for the fertilized egg to implant.  If that’s not enough, they’ve found that a woman’s chances of conceiving can go down by as much as 40 percent each cycle if she smokes ten or more cigarettes a day.  You don’t have to smoke that much to cause damage however, and even second-hand smoke has been linked to increased risk of miscarriage, infertility, and early onset menopause.

If you would never dream of smoking with a baby bump, but you continue to light up while trying to conceive, you need to know that you are already putting your future baby’s health at risk.  Quitting isn’t easy, but with the right motivation and support it is absolutely doable. 

2) Waking up with coffee and winding down with wine

If you're thinking of having a baby in the near future, coffee and wine shouldn't be the bookends of your day. Caffeine has been shown to increase the chance of miscarriage, cause hormonal imbalances and adrenal fatigue.  When your adrenal glands are sluggish, your thyroid gland and immune system can eventually be affected as well, none of which bodes well for your chances of conception.  As far as alcohol goes, it’s been shown that women who consume five or more drinks per week take longer to get pregnant and even moderate alcohol consumption has been shown to lower fertility. Drinking alcohol around the time of ovulation also lowers your chances of conception. 

Since neither caffeine nor alcohol are part of a healthy pregnancy diet, use the time before you start trying to conceive to get off the cappuccino-cabernet rollercoaster.  What is preventing you from waking up every morning feeling refreshed?  What do you need to feel calm and relaxed?  Having sustained energy throughout the day is totally possible, but it involves getting your hormones in balance, getting enough rest, and making a commitment to taking care of yourself.

3) Using food as your frenemy

You don't need to have an eating disorder to have disordered eating.  Food is not your reward. Food is not your punishment.  It's your body's source of nourishment.  If you’re on a restrictive diet and constantly counting calories, you’re most likely low on essential nutrients and healthy fats that can do wonders for your fertility.  If you’re bingeing on comfort food, especially if it’s processed food high in sugar, you’re most likely causing hormonal imbalances that will make it that much harder to conceive.

Do your future baby a favor and start developing healthy eating habits now.  Research foods that are good for fertility and reproductive health.  Get your partner involved and start incorporating them into your everyday diet. Discover ways to manage your stress, work through your feelings, and feel good about yourself that have nothing to do with what’s on your plate. 

4) Putting yourself down (instead of loving yourself up!)

 “I never do anything right. It’s all my fault.  I’m such an idiot.  I’m so fat.  I’m so ugly.  I’m such a loser.” Thoughts like these aren’t serving anyone and the sooner you learn to replace them with words that emanate love, compassion, and respect the better.  This kind of negativity goes straight from your head and down to your uterus.

Physiologically speaking, when we generate negative thoughts about ourselves, we increase our cortisol levels.  Cortisol has a negative impact on progesterone, which is one of the essential hormones for getting and staying pregnant.  Negative thinking also stifles your heart, or your inner spirit, and according to Traditional Chinese Medicine, there is a direct link between the health of your spirit and the health of your womb.  The heart thrives on love, positivity, and passion not criticism, self-loathing, and put downs.

Not sure how to say nice things to yourself? Think about what you say to the people you love.  "I love you. You're doing great. You look beautiful today.  I'm so proud of you and everything you do."

5) Controlling. Absolutely. Everything.

Do you feel like you have to keep tabs on everything?  Are you constantly working to prevent possible mistakes?  Do you get frustrated when things don’t go exactly according to plan?  If this sounds like you, then it’s time to start letting go and going with the flow.  Chances are if you identify with the tendencies described above you envy those who can live with ease.  I’m a recovering control freak so I know how scary it can be to release the white knuckle grip you have on the steering wheel of your life.

You can do absolutely everything in your power to guarantee the outcome of any given situation, but the reality is there are never any guarantees and going to extremes to keep everything just the way you want it doesn’t leave any room for unexpected possibilities.  As you move forward in your fertility journey, trust that everything is unfolding just as it is supposed to and you are part of a greater plan that is slowly, but surely being revealed to you every day. 

If you're interested in working with me as a Fertility Coach to maximize your chances of conception and feel empowered on your fertility journey, please contact me at info@jolindajohnson.com.

I would love to talk to you about how we can work together to reach your most desired goals.

References and resources

Agin, Dan.  More than Genes: What Science Can Tell Us about Toxic Chemicals, Development, and the Risk to Our Children.  Oxford: Oxford UP, 2010.

Fett, Rebecca.  It Starts with the Egg.  New York:  Franklin Fox, 2014.

Neff, Kristin.  Self-Compassion. London: Hodder & Stoughton, 2013.

Orecchio, Christa, and Willow Buckley.  How to Conceive Naturally: And Have a Healthy Pregnancy after 30.  New York:  Grand Central Life & Style/Hachette Book Group, 2015.

Raupp, Aimee E.  Yes, You Can Get Pregnant: Natural Ways to Improve Your Fertility Now and into Your 40s. New York: Demos Medical, LLC, 2014.

http://natural-fertility-info.com/effects-of-alcohol-on-fertility.html

http://natural-fertility-info.com/herbal-coffee-alternatives.html

What's with the Heart?

A few months ago, I was in the final stages of creating my logo and I had arrived at what I thought would be "the one."  After sharing it with some of my friends via WhatsApp, most of the feedback included words of encouragement like, "Love it!", "Beautiful!", and "Awesome!"

Clapping hands and thumbs up emojis emphasized their enthusiasm and I felt my ego start to rise as I patted myself on the back for a job well done.

And then came Geoff.

One of my best friends is married to the Art Director of a major NYC advertising firm.  I had sent her the logo and was expecting the same rave reviews that I had received from everyone else.  When she called me later that day, she said, "Hey, Jolinda.  I've got Geoff here on speaker.  He has a few questions for you about the logo."

Gulp. Brace yourself, I thought.

Geoff had a reputation for two things.  One, for being exceptional at what he does and two, for telling it like it is.  Whatever he had to say, I knew it wouldn't be warm and fuzzy.

"Hey, Jolinda.  I'm looking at your logo here and I have to ask you, what's with the heart?"

"The heart?"

"Yeah, the heart.  I don't get it.  I mean, is this some kind of dating service?  If you're using a heart, it must have something to do with love or romance, right?"

"Ummmmm . . . "

As the conversation continued, he proceeded to tell me all of the other ways that my proposed logo wasn't all that I thought it had been. Sigh.  I thanked him for his feedback and hung up the phone to tend to my bruised ego.  Once I had taken a few minutes to lick my wounds, I started thinking about his initial question.

What was it about the heart that was so important to me?  

Despite what he had said about it being a generic symbol that had lost its impact, I wasn't willing to give it up.  After reflecting further, my instinct told me that I was on the right track, but the rational part of my brain wanted something more than just a feeling. So I started looking into the origins of the heart symbol and what it traditionally represented.  That launched me into a deeper exploration of what "the heart" represents to me and why I felt it had to be at the core of my coaching practice.

1) The decision to start a family is a heart-based decision.  

When I was thinking about having my first child, my head came up with a million reasons why it wasn't "the right time," but in the end we started trying because my heart was calling me to motherhood.  Maybe you want to have a baby so you can share the love you have with your partner with another human being, or maybe you're tired of waiting for "Mr. Right" and have decided to become pregnant on your own.  No matter what the circumstances, your heart is the one calling the shots, as you can feel without a doubt that you were meant to be a mom.

2)  Fertility coaching is heart-centered.

You might have noticed that my tag-line refers to "heart-centered fertility coaching."  What does that even mean?  Well, being that your decision to have a baby is a heart-based decision, your heart, your soul, your deepest desires are at the focus of the fertility coaching series.  It's about setting goals that will help prepare your whole self for the experience of motherhood, not just your ovaries.  

The heart is the seat of intuition, love, creativity, wisdom, gratitude, and faith.  Fertility coaching is all about bringing these elements into focus and giving them priority in your everyday life.

3) My ideal clients long to be heart-centered women. 

The heart is the seat of intuition, love, creativity, wisdom, gratitude, and faith.

Here are some characteristics of a heart-centered woman:

• Open-minded
• Kind to herself and others
• Forgiving 
• Nurturing
• Self-empowered
• In tune with her body and mind
• Courageous
• Determined
• Hopeful

How many of these words can you use to describe yourself?  How many do you wish you could?  What positive actions can you take to get closer to the woman you want to be?

4)  In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the uterus is seen as an extension of the heart.  

The TCM perspective is that "passion, courage and confidence bolster the uterus's function." It therefore follows that the heart must be fed with experiences that evoke these emotions on a regular basis.  Gratitude should also be on the daily menu.  Loving the life you have while working towards the life you want is an essential part of maximizing your fertility, yet it's easy to feel stuck in fear, self-doubt, and anxiety around your chances of conceiving.  Fertility coaching can help you get back to a place of confidence, inner peace, and joy.

In the end, I took Geoff's advice and continued modifying my logo, but the heart has remained.  I followed my own intuition, my own inner voice.  From business logos to babies, the heart wants what the heart wants.  The only question is, "Are you listening?"

If you're interested in working with me as a Fertility Coach to maximize your chances of conception and feel empowered on your fertility journey, please contact me at info@jolindajohnson.com.

I would love to talk to you about how we can work together to reach your most desired goals.

The Ache

I remember the first time I felt "the ache."  

We had all gathered at my sister-in-law's house to celebrate her thirty-first birthday.  After she had blown out the candles and everyone had started on the cake, she told us that she had an announcement to make.

"I'm pregnant. We're going to have a baby."

And then it came.  The dagger to the chest, the blow to the stomach, that unmistakeable pain that paralyzes every part of your body for just a few seconds while you hope no one notices that you're not beaming with excitement for the expectant mother.  

I slapped on a smile and asked the obligatory questions.  "When is it due?  How are you feeling?  How long had you been trying?"  Blah. Blah. Blah.

The truth is that all I could think was, "Why do you get to be a mom?  I want to be a mom.  Why can't it be me?  It probably never will be.  Of course not."  And down the rabbit hole I went, indulging my negative thoughts as if they had anything to do with reality.

Since that day six years ago, I've experienced "the ache" a countless number of times.  I'd like to say that having a baby is the solution to getting rid of it.  But ask any woman who has one child and is unable to have another how it feels, and you'll soon discover that, like most things in life, it's not that simple.  At this point I experience it much less frequently than I used to, but the biggest difference is that I now know how to get through it.  That's what I want for you too.

My prescription for "the ache"

You run into someone you haven't seen in a while and she just has to tell you "the good news."

You feel the ache coming on.  What do you do?

• Take a breath
• Say something that you would like to hear if you were in her situation.  "Congratulations!  That's wonderful for you."
• Decide how you would like the rest of the conversation to go.  
• You're feeling strong: Be honest about where you are in your own fertility journey.  "I'm still trying, but I know it will happen when it's meant to."  Be aware that this could open you up to a slieu of questions and unsolicited advice.
• You've got your guard up:  Don't give anything away and keep the focus on her.
• You just can't:  Make up a reason why you can't stay to chat but would love to catch up another day.  Sometimes you won't be in a good head space to engage in these conversations, and it's okay to give yourself a time out.

Later . . . 

• Call a friend who will listen to how you're really feeling. Ideally it will be someone who doesn't know the other woman so you can be totally open and honest without judgement.
• Reach out to your Fertility Coach and let her know that you need some extra support.
• When you find yourself drifting back to that moment, repeat an affirmation that will activate your faith in the universe.  I often say, "Everyone has her own path.  Mine is unfolding just as it should."
• Make a list of everything that's going well for you in your life right now.  If you're really feeling down and aren't sure where to start, begin by listing parts of your body that are functioning every day without a problem.  My friend and entrepreneurial coach Lisette Sandoval turned me on to this a few months ago and it really works. You can read more about it here: http://www.mejorarmivida.net/blog/gratitude-circles

As painful as "the ache" can be, remember that you wouldn't have it if you didn't want to be a mom.  It's your heart expressing its longing.

The trick is to not let your longing turn into despair, but rather transform it into positive action.

When was the last time you felt "the ache?"  How do you experience it?  What do you do to get through it?  Let me know in the comments below.

Will the Fertility Expert Please Stand Up?

What makes you an expert?  I remember a time when that question made me cringe.

An expert? Me? What do I know?

It seems strange to admit it now, but I used to devalue my expertise for fear of setting myself apart as the supreme authority.  The fact is that I did have a wealth of knowledge and experience to draw from to affect positive change in my own life and the life of my clients.  Do I have all the answers? No. Do I know how to empower you to discover the answers you're seeking for yourself?  Absolutely.

One of the most powerful outcomes of working with a Fertility Coach is that you become your own expert.

When was the last time you felt like the authority?  When have you ever regarded yourself as the specialist?  Chances are if you're reading this, you have over thirty years of experience being you.  So how can you use that to become your own fertility expert?

1) Know your cycle

If you don't want to commit to taking your temperature every day, at least become aware of your cervical mucus, length of your cycle (starting with the first day of your period), and your menstrual flow (blood color, consistency, and duration) as this can give you valuable information about your fertility and your overall health.

If you're interested in charting your cycle, specifically if you're using the Fertility Awareness Method, I highly recommend the OvaGraph app to get you started.  You can read more about it here: http://www.ovagraph.com/

2) Know the lingo

If you're going to talk about what's happening in your body, it helps to have the words to do so.  You don't need to sound like an endocronologist, but knowing the basic terminology will allow you to discuss your fertility with confidence.

Here's a glossary of terms to get you started: http://www.webmd.com/baby/glossary-of-fertility-terms#1

3) Know your fertility friends and foes

Smoking, drinking, hardly sleeping?  Your fertility might not be the first thing that comes to mind when you're indulging in your daily sugar fix or saying yes to that late night cigarette, but everything we consume and put on our bodies absolutely does make a difference.  Remember that it takes approximately four months for the egg cell to mature and your everyday choices during that time have a direct impact on egg quality.  The higher quality the egg, the better chance you have at a successful pregnancy and healthy baby.

I share fertility friends and foes regularly on my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/heartcenteredfertilitycoaching/  

Make sure you give it a like and stay in the know.

4) Know how to let go

Are you constantly fighting to keep everything under your control?  Do you wish you could take your hands off the wheel and trust that everything will continue on a positive course?  As a former control freak, I know how challenging it can be to surrender and simply go with the flow.  When we rely on ourselves and our own abilities to handle everything, we can easily feel frustrated when things don't go our way.  What's my secret for living with ease?  Every morning, I put my faith in the greater good and let the plan for each day unfold as it's meant to.  Trust that where you are is exactly where you are meant to be and know that, as Gabrielle Bernstein says "the universe has got your back."

You can read more about the art of surrender here: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-of-control-how-to-learn-the-art-of-surrender/

5) Know how to snap out of it

It's the first day of your period.  Your coworker has just started to show and your sister-in-law wants your help planning for her baby shower.  Happiness is a choice, but how do you choose it when you're in pain.  When I need a quick mood lift, I focus on what I'm grateful for.  It's something I can do any time, anywhere and it's proven to give your brain a serotonin boost.  I also rely heavily on music to lift my spirits.  Find a handful of songs that can get you happy in a hurry.  Lately for me it's been Justin Timberlake's "Can't Stop the Feeling!" (Don't knock it 'til you've tried it!)

Becoming your own expert takes time and a solid investment in yourself.  It also helps to have encouragement and support from someone who's holding you accountable along the way.  If you're interested in becoming your own fertility expert, send me a message at info@jolindajohnson.com and we'll schedule an initial consult to get started.

In the meantime, keep taking care of YOU and if at all possible, take a few moments today to just dance, dance, dance!